Give and Receive Comfort - 2 Corinthians 3-4

Photo by Sallee Bonham April 2017

As a self-centered addict,
I had to learn to reach out to others and work the steps of recovery with them in order to maintain my own sobriety.
One of the helpful recovery sayings that stresses the need to focus on others is:

"You have to give it away to keep it."

In my walk with Jesus I can also apply this spiritual axiom to comfort.
Here is an example of how I can give away the comfort that I received from God. As a new widow, I was given comfort from the Lord in the form of people, bible lessons, and personal revelations from studying my Bible.

Today, I can use those experiences and give comfort to another new widow because I truly know what it is like to lose your spouse. It doesn't matter how terrible my trouble was or is, I can take the comfort that I am given and give it to others who need the same comfort that I have received.

Learning I am NOT the Boss in Sobriety - Romans 9:20 - June 19, 2017

After I stopped drinking, I  found out that I thought I was the boss of life around me. 

Here are some examples to illustrate this way of thinking:

• Everywhere I went, I would change the toilet paper roll to come off of the top.
• I had an opinion about everything I saw around me AND voiced my opinion about it.
• Church people were hypocrites and I wanted nothing to do with them.
• Other women were my enemies. I didn't like them. 
• My boyfriend, or partner needed to discuss everything with me, or I was MAD that I was left out of the decision making.
• I believed in Jesus, but I only wanted to pray when I was in trouble. Then I wanted to bargain with God rather than submit to God. 

My way of thinking brought me crashing down to my knees and submitting to God, but it took a life threatening situation to do it. 

During the first 6 months of my sobriety, I had to face some harsh truths about myself. 

Many of the faults that I had blamed on alcohol - wasn't the alcohol - it was me. My perception of who I was as a person was fractured and broken like a dropped mirror. Tears streamed down my face easily when I was alone. My best friend had died and I was my best friend. 

My understanding of my role in life slowly, but surely underwent several revisions. 

The first revision was that I dusted off my Bible and admitted my life was unmanageable and I was powerless over alcohol. Additionally, my mom made sure I was turning to Jesus and I rededicated my life to him. 

Let's Go to Church

Although I was reading my bible and turning to Jesus, I didn't return to church until I had about 18 months of sobriety. This revision happened after I was told,"What better place for hypocrites to be than in church? Maybe they will finally see the light."

Sisterhood is Good

At 3 years of sobriety, I found myself wanting to rejoin the sisterhood of women because of all the help I was receiving FROM a couple of ladies with long term sobriety. Those ladies had something I wanted; they both knew how to stay sober, how to stay promiscuity-free, and how to apply biblical principles to 12 step recovery.  Yes, my sisters were no longer my enemies.

My Way isn't the Only Way

Somewhere around the 3rd-4th year of recovery, in a conversation with my husband, I found myself saying," ...After all, my way isn't the only way." 

My husband stared at me like I had suddenly developed an extra head atop my shoulders before saying,"I had hoped this day would arrive, but I had about given up on it!"

Pow! understanding smacked me in the face as I thought about what I had just said. Silently, I congratulated myself on getting better. 

Why Did You Do This?

When I reached 14 years of sobriety, I was still struggling with God over why I was me. One night I looked at the ceiling and cried,"Why did you make me this way? I am MAD at you!" At that time, silence was the only response I received to my angry question. 

God's Answer

Two weeks later, God answered me during my morning prayer and meditation time. One word kept popping into the stillness of my brain, "Clay." 

"What? Clay? Really Lord?" Never in a million years would I tell myself to read about clay in my bible. 

However, I obediently turned to the index of my study bible and looked up the word, clay. Carefully, I began to read the first verse and write down my thoughts about it. Five bible verses later, I was reading and writing down my thoughts about Romans 9:21. As I read the scripture, I found my eyes drawn to the previous verse, 9:20. 

As I read verse 9:20, the words seemed to float up off the page and POW! from my innermost being  outward, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, I KNEW I was being spiritually spanked for my angry diatribe at God  two weeks earlier. 

But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?

How arrogant I had been. Yelling at God? Really? 

With a sigh, I started writing about why I was resentful (angry)at God, the cause of the anger, and how it affected me. The cause of the anger was control. Once again, my way of thinking brought me crashing down to my knees and re-submitting my life to God. By re-submitting all control of my entire life to God, I was making a decision to turn my will and my life over to God, again. Consequently while I was on my knees, an apology to the Creator of All issued from my lips. 

In conclusion

At 14 years sober, I realized that God was giving me the knowledge of his will for me because I was seeking Him through daily prayer and meditation. He was molding me, one day at a time, and I had to be willing to submit to his molding in order to grow spiritually and continue growing closer to God, through Jesus. 

SalleeB is Sick and Not Posting this week

I am recuperating from a respiratory illness and will not be posting this week. Prayers for my recovery would be welcome.

One of My Favorite Prayers

After my life figuratively blew up in 1992, I found the St. Francis of Assisi prayer in a prayer book I bought at a yard sale. After reading it, I carefully wrote the prayer inside the cover of my "Twenty-Four Hours A Day" meditation book and prayed it every day for the first year of my sobriety. 

The words in this prayer help me to change my attitude toward others and it helps me to let go of anger. 

Whenever my day seems out of balance, simply reading the St. Francis Prayer puts things back into perspective for me. My focus turns away from negative thinking after reading the prayer. A positive attitude returns and my day looks brighter. This prayer is a powerful part of my healing and recovery journey. SalleeB

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!

That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted.
To understand, than to be understood.
To love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

—Saint Francis of Assisi—

Psalm of the Week - 136:23 - July 20, 2015

God remembers his promises. He delivered the Israelites from slavery. He provided manna in the wilderness. He provided quail in the wilderness. His mercy endures for ever. 

He remembered me in the depths of every crisis in my life and delivered me the moment that I called on him. Free will means that God waits on us to call on him. Are you going to call on God today, or are you going to continue to live life on your own? 

Asking God for help does not mean that you have failed, it means you need help. I do not believe in failure. I believe in having a learning experience. Let God help you learn from your experience. Let God help you have strength, peace, and serenity as you walk down the path he has chosen for you. 

Psalm of the Week - 141:3 - June 15

Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. 

Psalm 141:3 AKJV

King David's prayer asks the Lord of all to watch his mouth and keep the door of his lips. He knew he couldn't keep his mouth shut without the Lord being in charge of it. 

This psalm reminds me of my dear friend Pam, who went home to be with Jesus. 

Pam and I were both in twelve step recovery. For sixteen years, Pam and I sat in many, many recovery meetings together. Pam liked to share at meetings how she asked God to help her keep from saying things she would regret. Instead of saying, " Lord, put your arm around my shoulder, and your hand over my mouth." Pam's version was "Lord, sit on my tongue!" People would laugh when Pam shared this at meetings, but no one EVER forgot it. That was the point of Pam's condensed prayer.

Pam and King David both knew that they could not control their mouths unless the Lord is in charge of it. 

The next time you need help keeping your mouth closed and your tongue silent, remember King David's sincere plea to the Lord.

Extinguishing the Flaming Arrow of Anger

for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
James 1:20 NASB

Anger is an area of my life that occasionally causes me issues. "Hot-tempered and high-strung" is the phrase that described the earthly Sallee Bonham for the first 33 years of my life.

Over the last twenty-three years, my desire to rid myself of anger has sent me to my knees in prayer many times. Slowly, but surely my anger has been removed by writing to find the source of the anger, by immersing myself in scripture about anger, AND by the grace of God at work in my daily life. 

Writing about my anger is a sure way to reveal the cause. Usually, I find I have a resentment and/or fear that is affecting the following:

1. My security - fear
2. My self-esteem - upset with myself/ not being "good enough"  - fear
3. A personal relationship/pride - fear

I have to be very honest with myself when I am looking at the cause of my anger. However, I want to live an anger free life. Did you see a pattern in my list? It is all about me. Yep, I have grabbed onto my life again and am not trusting GOD and Jesus to take care of EVERYTHING! (sigh) Now it is time to give my life back to Jesus because my heart's desire is to be closer and closer to Jesus.  I do not want to be an angry Christian! 
It is time to pray this prayer:

Jesus, I am yours! I am giving all of myself to you, good and bad. I am asking you to now remove from me every single imperfection of character that makes me less useful to you. Give me the strength to stay in your will, to do your will, and to be your servant. Amen!

To stop the flaming arrow of the Enemy, I pick up my sword of the spirit (my study bible) and look up anger. Reading through the list of scriptures, I turn to each chapter and read each verse in context. However, I did not feel that sense of "this is it", until I read what James had written in James 1:19-27. 

 "19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

 Righteousness and anger do not belong together. It is time for me to curl up at Jesus' feet and to look intently into the perfect law (the Bible). I am going to win this spiritual skirmish with the Enemy by relying on the Word of God and trusting Jesus to take care of everything!

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places

Ephesians 6:16

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Hebrews 4:12

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 

Battling Alcohol, Drugs, and Addictions with Scripture Prayer

My first exposure to scripture prayer was when a friend loaned me a Beth Moore book, Get Out of That Pit. In the back of the book were a scripture prayers for everyday of the week. The concept is fairly simple, but I had never thought of it. Using scripture for prayer is now a habit for me. Below is a scripture prayer to help combat addictions. Just place the name of the person(s), or your own name, in the blanks when you pray. The italicized words are my own additions.



Father God, you know________________has made mistakes because of wine, liquor, or drugs and through strong drink or drugs are out of control. ___________has erred in  the same way the priest and the prophet have through strong drink or drugs. ____________is swallowed up in alcohol or drugs and  _______________is out of the way through addiction._________________is making errors in vision and is stumbling in judgement. (Isaiah 28:7)

The acts of the flesh are obvious in ____________________life: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery(drinking, drugs, partying, running wild); idolatry (material things, making money, workaholic, alcohol, drug use) witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. Father, _______________________, will not inherit your kingdom living like this. (Galatians 5:19-21)

Let _____________________be sober and vigilant because his/her adversary is the devil. The devil is a roaring lion, walking about, seeking to devour____________________. (1Peter 5:8)

Help ______________________to not love the world, neither the things that are in the world like alcohol, drugs, money, and the many other distractions from the enemy.  (1 John 2: 15-17)

Father, help ______________________to not be a lover of pleasures more than a lover of God. (2 Timothy 3:4)

Let ________________________know that their body is a temple of the holy Spirit which is in you, and that they are not their own, but belong to you. (1 Corinthian 6:19)

I beseech you Lord, that ______________________would present themselves to you as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to you.(Romans 12:1)
Strengthen __________________________so they can do all things through Christ. (Philippians 4:13)

Amen

"Christian Philosophy" by Andrew Wommack and a Brief Look at My Personal Growth

When I sought help for my addiction in 1992, part of my self-examination/recovery process caused me to sift through my ideas, beliefs, and values (my personal philosophy) in search of what I truly believed in.

A Dysfunctional Model

 Many of my situational responses were based on what I had been taught by an increasingly dysfunctional family model that revolved around an alcoholic parent. In recovery, a day arrived when I realized I couldn't use that model anymore. I had to learn a new, healthier pattern of behavior. Seriously, I felt like I was white water rafting without a paddle. Out of control. Lost. My belief in Jesus, a good support system of recovery meetings, sponsorship, and a commitment to sobriety kept me from becoming mired down in depression and relapsing into alcoholism.

What is Christian Philosophy?

So what does this have to do with Andrew Wommack's book? Well, the first chapter, What is Christian Philosophy? caused me to carefully examine my philosophy again. As I read through Chapter One, I kept saying,"This is exactly how I feel!" or "I believe that, too!" Andrew's book helped me see the different threads of my personal faith, beliefs, and values as an interwoven, complete fabric. A Bible-based fabric that wraps up my thoughts, actions, and behaviors as I walk through today.

In Colossians 2:8, Paul says,"See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ." Paul also told Timothy to,"guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith." (1 Timothy 6:20-21)

A Little of Jesus, A Lot of Sin

Human traditions and the basic principles of this world were my number one priority for sixteen years. I believed in Jesus. Jesus was my savior. He was there to help me in bad times, hard times, and whenever I decided to give him an opportunity. I would tell you I was a Christian. However, my relationship with Jesus was just a small part of my life. There was an emptiness inside me that wouldn't go away. Sin pervaded my life.

 Sobriety Changed My Priority

When I quit drinking, reading my Bible became a more regular part of my life. Gradually, Bible reading, regular church attendance, and sobriety changed my number one priority. In 1994, I knew I wanted to be baptised by immersion and rededicate my life to Christ. A spiritual relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is my number one priority. Prayer keeps me focused on God. My goal is to be more Christ-like. What would Jesus do? is a question that helps keep me on the narrow path.

More Study, Less Chatter

My Christian philosophy changes as I spend more time in bible study and listening to bible teachers. Several years ago, my favorite Bible teacher lost a pupil because of several teachings that didn't mention one scripture. Not one. The "sword of the spirit" is the bible. I want teachers who will help me "sharpen my sword". Paul warned the church at Colosse against hollow and deceptive philosophy and warned Timothy to turn away from godless chatter. Which brings me back to Andrew Wommack's book.

God is #1

Andrew's book encouraged me to review my Christian walk over the last eight years. The review has helped me see the growth and maturity that has appeared since my life became God aligned. God overshadows every area of my life. He is first in all things.

Jesus's Prayer

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
John 17:22-23




 

My Ebook, Fractured into Faithful, is Live at Amazon.com

Whoopee! Yahoo! Fractured into Faithful by Sallee Bonham (me), is now a Kindle ebook at Amazon.com. Hours of writing, revising, organizing, and editing are finally over and the end product is for sale world wide! Poetry and short stories taken from the peaks and valleys of my journey through life.
Click on the link and sample Chapter 1.

 

Recovery from Strict Christian Parents

Two days ago, Bill and I were watching a program on television. The group of people who were on the show had overcome problems in life. As each person was singled out by the camera, a caption was shown telling where each individual was in life and where they had been. The problems that had been overcome were alcoholism, drug addiction, loss of a loved one and then, much to my shock, I saw "...Recovery from Strict Christian Parents."

 I have been unable to forget the image of the young man above the title, "...Recovery from Strict Christian Parents." What happened in his childhood home that made him feel that he had recovered from his parents' Christian life? The fleeting moment seems to be seared into my memory. What is the whole story behind the caption that thousands or millions of television viewers saw? Looking back into my own parenting past, I can honestly say that I didn't always set a Christ-like example. However, I did try to follow the relationship model that Jesus set for all of us.

 

 Jesus loves children and calls them to him. In Matthew 19:13-15; Mark 10:13-16; and Luke 18:15-17, the disciples rebuked those who had brought little children to Jesus so he could place his hands on them and pray for them. When Jesus heard this he was indignant and said," Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth; anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." So as we raise our children, who is the teacher? I learned to see the world with a child's eyes as I raised my daughters. I will never forget the lesson my four year old, Ashley, taught me one spring.

 

My mom and dad are gardeners. Every spring they plant and tend a small garden. My four year old was outside looking at Grandma and Grandpa's garden. When she walked up to Mom and me, she looked at Mom and said,"Mam-maw, I like your green flowers." Mom and I glanced at each other because we knew there weren't any green flowers in the garden. Mom looked at my daughter and said," Show me the flowers you were looking at." As I trailed along behind Mom and Ashley, I was puzzled, but curious. Ashley led us to the row of baby cabbage plants, pointed her finger at the plants, and said, "There Mam-maw, see? Pretty green flowers." The baby green cabbage plants did resemble irregular green stars against the dark, tilled soil of the garden. What a lesson in looking at the world through a child's eyes! Mom and I would never have learned this if one of us had said, "No there isn't. There aren't any green flowers in the garden. You're wrong, those are cabbage plants;" My mother also taught me a lesson in parenting by saying, "Show me."

 

Jesus told the disciples that if you want to receive the kingdom of God, you have to be like a child. Now that doesn't mean temper tantrums, selfishness, or the other behaviors parents have to deal with. He was talking about being trusting, loving, and seeing the world in a new way. Jesus wants us to have a trusting, loving relationship with our children. Further evidence of this is to be found in Ephesians 6:1-4. Children are to obey and honor their parents, BUT (capitalization is mine) parents aren't to exasperate their children. We are supposed to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord, with love.

 

Jesus loves us so much that he obediently allowed himself to be crucified on a cross for us - the ultimate Father and Son relationship. Scripture also shows me a grieving mother, watching her beaten, bleeding, and abused son struggle to carry a cross to the hilltop reserved for crucifixion of criminals. A son she knew to be innocent. A man who also had a sign associated with him that read, "This is Jesus, The King of the Jews"

 

Relationships are so tricky. I did the best I could as a parent, I'm sure Mary, and Joseph did their best as parents. What about the Christian parents of a young man who appeared on television with the caption"...Recovered from Strict Christian Parents"?