Widowhood: The Second Time

 

My beloved husband, Bill went home to Jesus on January 14, 2023. 

He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and 12 weeks later, he was gone. It was so FAST! My home church started a 13-week Griefshare program two weeks after Bill was gone. I went and just felt too much pain to even begin to talk about Bill.

 However, I found myself thinking about my first widowhood after my soulmate Jack went home to Jesus after a lifelong battle against inherited emphysema.

 Jack and I knew our time together was limited. 

As his illness progressed, I became his caregiver as well as his wife. We learned to live one day at a time. We learned to live each day like it was our last because it could be. That last summer, I warned my girls that Jack's time with us was short. Neither one wanted to face that. Even though Jack was their stepdad, they loved him with all their heart. Jack succumbed to his illness just two months short of our 12th anniversary. 

After his death, I followed through on my long-term goal of buying another Harley-Davidson motorcycle and resumed riding. I bought a Sportster, acquired a motorcycle endorsement, and took off riding the highways of Missouri, Illinois, and Kentucky. I didn't realize I was running away from home on a Harley until much later. My girls and I had a rocky path ahead of us. I was putting on a brave face for them and my oldest daughter asked me why I wasn't crying. I told her I was, but not when she and her sister were home.  A couple of days later, I did cry when they were home and scared them because I wailed my heart out. Yep, my emotions were swinging like a pendulum and I didn't know if I was going crazy or not. 

.At year two of my widowhood, an acquaintance told me, "It's been two years. Shouldn't you be about over this by now?" I felt like I had been slapped! Sharing my vulnerability had obviously been a mistake. I retreated behind a mental wall and decided to not let anyone see my grief again. AND I didn't reveal my pain again! 

Fast forward to sixteen years later. 

Here I was, sitting in a room of men and women who were each walking through their own grief journeys. I was numb. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Bill was in heaven with my heart and I was a widow a second time. As I listened, I began to realize I'd not completely dealt with my grief after Jack went home to Jesus. At that time, I didn't know anything about grief support, making memory bears out of clothing, or anything like that. I was ignorant about that part of grief.  To deal with my current pain, I had and was burying myself in my relationship with the Lord. That's always a good thing.

GriefShare has been the best thing I ever did for myself.

 One night the video was sharing what to NOT say to someone grieving the loss of a loved one. Guess what? One of the things you shouldn't say is, "Shouldn't you be about over this now?" Oh, man! I could SO identify with that statement! I felt validated. More importantly, I was learning how to walk through my grief in healthy ways. I wasn't locking the grief away and acting as if I was fine.  I was able to open up and talk about my feelings concerning the loss of my first and second beloved husbands, Jack and Bill. Two men who were so different! The one thing they had in common was me. They both loved me and wanted me to be happy.

I am now 22 months out from Bill's Homegoing.

I've been dreading the holidays, but preparing for them at the same time. Last Saturday, I participated in the one-day GriefShare class, How to Survive the Holidays. I attended last year,  however a year of travel on my grief journey has changed my perspective.  Also, this is my first Christmas without my sister Nan. I know that avoiding the holidays is not the answer for me. Facing my pain by being with my family is necessary for me to heal. I've also done a  few things that are helping me to look forward to the holidays.

On Thanksgiving, I am making chocolate chip pecan bars that Bill would have loved! I'm sharing this at the Friendsgiving with my oldest daughter's family and friends. I'm celebrating with other family members by bringing my green bean casserole, rolls, and an apple pie. That's my normal contribution and both of my beloved husbands loved my green bean casserole, rolls, and any pie I made. 

 I couldn't put up my big tree last year, but I also can't give it up. Therefore, I bought 12 motorcycle gnome ornaments that will go with the 6 Harley-Davidson ornaments I bought last year and put away. My tree will be beautiful and different from the way I decorated it with Bill. I'm actually decorating the tree like the garage tree he and I had talked about, but never got around to putting up in the garage. 

Last year and this year, I spent Bill's Christmas present money on two things. First, I donated part to the local motorcycle toy ride we participated in. Secondly, I sponsored a Wreaths Across America wreath in honor of Bill. Everything that I've talked about, I learned in GriefShare. These are simple ways to honor Bill. These two acts have helped me to be just a little bit happier. My heart hurts just a tiny bit less. I know Bill would approve. 

Bombarded by God's Love

I read this at a recovery meeting last night:

 "The most common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression...If  I am unable to change the present state of affairs, am I willing to take the measures necessary to shape my life to conditions as they are?"

Yep, I have a new normal.

 I am a widow. 

I am willing to shape my life to conditions as they are as I follow God's lead. 

I feel as if I've been spiritually bombarded with God's love for the last 24 hours.

 I've heard and read so many pertinent words that apply to where I am today.

• I am a child of God.

• I am a jewel that God treasures. 

• I can't run out in front of God like a dog on a leash. I need to follow Him in obedience.  

Resources

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Page 52

Malachi 3:17

“They shall be Mine,” says the Lord of hosts, “On the day that I make them My jewels. And I will spare them As a man spares his own son who serves him.” 

Devotional by Rebecka Beene on Facebook

Suicide is Personal and Makes Me Sad

My adult nephew committed suicide. He was active duty military. A high school classmate of my grandchild committed suicide. 

Oh, children of God, my heart hurts for you! God loves you! He is for you! Please do not lose hope! That empty hole inside you is where Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit belong. You can try to fill it with worldly things, but nothing will make you happy for long. That empty spot isn't for material things, it can only be filled by surrendering to and asking Jesus to be in control of your life. THEN the Holy Spirit will come to reside inside of you. That emptiness will be gone.

And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.

Revelation 21:6 NKJV

https://bible.com/bible/114/rev.21.6.NKJV

Then Peter said to them, “Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Acts 2:38 NKJV

https://bible.com/bible/114/act.2.38.NKJV

How Long Do You Grieve a Personal Loss?

Grief is...
Grief expert David Kessler at Grief.com says"...grief is a process, a journey. It does not end on a certain day or date. It is as individual as each of us. Grief is real because loss is real. Each grief has its own imprint, as distinctive and as unique as the person we lost. The pain of loss is so intense, so heartbreaking, because in loving we deeply connect with another human being, and grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost. Grief is not just a series of events, or stages or timelines. Our society places enormous pressure on us to get over loss, to get through the grief."But how long do you grieve for a husband of 12 years? A nephew who kills himself? A stillborn baby? A year? 5 years? Forever?

Grief and Loss
When your heart is broken, healing is a long process. In Genesis 37: 34 - 35, Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned many days when he believed his son Joseph was dead. Joseph was his baby. Joseph was his favorite son. Jacob's other children tried to comfort him, but he wouldn't let them. He wanted to be with his dead son Joseph. I recognize that feeling.

After my husband Jack died, I just wanted to be left alone to mourn. Emotionally, I fluctuated back and forth through the different stages of grieving like a kite dipping and bobbing in the wind. Denial. Anger. Depression. Acceptance.
During Year 2 of widowhood, I stayed in anger and acceptance with depression kicking in on our anniversary and holidays. In the fall of that year, I had a relapse back into pure grieving. Sharp-edged, painful sorrow returned and it felt like Jack had died yesterday rather than two years previously. Depression returned. I felt rejected and unlovable. Anger would overcome me occasionally when people would offer advice they considered to be helpful to get me through my grief.

"Helpful" Advice

Some of the "helpful" advice I was given by well-meaning people follows, along with my reaction to it.

• You need to be strong.

No thanks! I'll be weak and let the Lord comfort me and heal my broken heart. Psalms 34: 18 and Matthew 5:4.

• If you grieve for more than a year, you need to seek help.

Really? there isn't a time limit on grief. This is my time to mourn, weep and heal. Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

• Crying won't fix anything.

Yes it will! Crying releases the pressure and emotional tension of grief. Tears are a part of grief and and sadness. Crying is NOT a sign of weakness. Do not let anyone tell you it's wrong to cry when you are sad. Psalm 34:18

• You need a hobby to focus on.

No, I need to focus on Jesus. Reading my Bible daily became part of my routine. I was given hope, comfort and a deeper relationship with God.

• Get on  with your life and things will get better.

Honestly, I was already living one day at a time. I did have to keep going through the motions of daily living - work, church and family. (This list is not in order of importance.) Somewhere around year 5, I realized I had gotten on with my life and things did get better. Psalm 147:3 In God's world, there is a time for everything, and season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

In conclusion, I want to encourage everyone who has lost a loved one, to grab onto Jesus. 

Read your Bible daily. Deepen your relationship with Jesus. Grief is a journey you take one day at a time. God will be there to comfort you. 

Pray this prayer from Matthew 5:4.

Father God, I am asking you to comfort me. Your word says I will be blessed with your comfort because I am mourning the loss of _______________. I am claiming that promise. Comfort me. Fill me with peace. Take away the sharp edges of my grief. In the mighty name of Jesus, I ask this. Amen.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant, and a time to uproot,
a time to kill, and a time to heal,
a time to tear down, and a time to build,
a time to weep, and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn, and a time to dance...

Tears Today, Joy Tomorrow - Psalm 126:5

Try to remember three things when you are struggling with grief, upsetting circumstances, and life:

1. Suffering saints are often in tears; they share the troubles of human life, and commonly have a greater share than others. 
2. Weeping must not hinder sowing; we must get good from times of trouble. 
3. When we mourn for our sins, or suffer for Christ's sake, we are sowing in tears, to reap in joy. 

adapted from Matthew Henry's Bible Commentary

Jesus Felt Grief Too - Matthew 26:38

Jesus' Soul was Deeply Grieved
As Jesus sat in the Garden of Gethsemane, he knew his terrible death was near and he would be leaving the disciples. How did he feel? He felt grief and sadness, just like I felt when my husband died. Knowing that Jesus also felt this soul-deep grief, helped me to feel closer to him. 

Facing the death of a loved one is tough even when you know Jesus. 
I remained with Jesus in the midst of my grief. I read bible verses about the bridegroom, and I read about Jesus' ministry. I may have lost my earthly loved one, but I had a heavenly bridegroom who wanted me to be comforted and gave me a strength I don't have on my own. Jesus was faithful and kept watch with me. 

When I wanted to isolate myself, I didn't. When I needed a hug, I asked close friends and coworkers for one.  At work, I could focus on the job and forget about the grief for a little while. It brought me out of myself and kept some normalcy in my life.  

Then, I started walking three times a week and somewhere during my walking, the deep grief lifted a bit. It wasn't overnight. No, it was a long process. However, by seeking Jesus and walking, I unraveled the blanket of grief that I was wrapped in.

 Grief Has Passed

A blanket of grief wrapped itself softly around me,

gently insulating me from life.

I looked down one day and saw a thread lying upon the blanket.

Slowly I reached out and grasped the thread clumsily.

I wearily pulled on the thinly spun cord,

numbly going through the familiar motion,

not realizing I was unraveling my grief-woven wrap.

A year has passed since I saw you last.

The grief of your passing slowly merged with life’s passion.

My tears dissolved so many fears.

From Chapter 7 - Walking Through Widowhood of Fractured into Faithful: Poetry from the Heart by Sallee Bonham   Available at Amazon.com

Look for the Bright Side - Psalm 42:5

• There are two sides to the events which occur, and which seem so discouraging to us - a dark side and a bright side. 
• We are prone to look only at the dark side, to see only what is gloomy and discouraging.
• Looking only at the dark side, often becomes in a sense voluntary, and we find a melancholy satisfaction in being miserable, and in making ourselves more unhappy, as if we had been wronged, and as if there were a kind of virtue in dejection and gloom. It can be because we are mad at God, or we don't want to accept what has happened.
• God's beloved children need  to look at the bright side of things; to think of the past mercies of God; to look at the blessings which surround us still; to look to the future. in this world and the next, with hope. 
• God wants us to come to him, and cast the burden on him. 
• Every sad and grieving Christian ought to say to his soul, "Why am I in despair?"

Adapted from Barnes' Notes on the Bible

Meth the Destroyer

Our local TV news featured the mug shots of four young people, two women and two men,  from my hometown who have been arrested on meth charges.  Personally, I have known three of the young people as school children when I worked for the school district. My heart is so sad. Methamphetamine abuse is a pestilence in central Missouri.



My first awareness of how rampant meth production is began a few years ago.
I was riding my motorcycle down a rural county road. As the road dipped down into a small valley, an acrid aroma hit my nose. I had never in all my life smelled such an awful stench. The only smell that even halfway describes what I smelt that day is to take a completely urine soaked cat box and multiply that odor until it will fill an entire valley.

I am a country girl. My grandparents all owned large farms and raised a variety of animals.  I am  completely familiar with the aromas of country living. That smell was nothing like anything I had ever smelt before.Now I know, that in all probability, I had come across a meth lab cooking up their destructive product. Several weeks later there was a meth lab found in that area by a local law enforcement task force.

Meth hooks some people the first time they try it. It fills up all of their insecurities and makes them feel like they are super alive.The chemicals in meth create a euphoria that is akin to the beautiful songs the mythical Greek sirens sang to lure passing sailors to their death. Stopping is a difficult struggle.

Because I work with children, I see the impact of meth on them. 
My prayers include a plethora of children, whom I have known, or know personally, whose lives have been broken apart because of the effects of meth abuse. Toddlers found in homes with meth pipes and crystal meth within their reach. Kindergarten children whose parents, grandparents, or siblings became burglars to get money for meth. Fourth and fifth grade students whose parents were arrested and sent to prison for manufacturing meth. High school students who were stopped by a law enforcement task force for approaching a known meth dealer's house that they were watching, and the list goes on...and on...and on.

In my imagination, I see the angels in heaven weeping every time a child of God turns to drugs like meth. Jesus himself sits weeping on his throne over the destruction and chaos that is in the lives of his innocent, little children. How Jesus feels about babies and children is made clear in the following verses from Luke 16. 

15 People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. 16 But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

Jesus also said in Luke 16:

26 “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”

I am praying for the Pestilence of Meth to be removed from the lives of children everywhere. Pray this prayer with me:

Father God, Jesus,  please remove the pestilence of meth from the lives of innocent babies and children. Heal the babies born to addicted mothers. Soften the hearts of their parents so that they will be receptive to hearing about a different way to feel super alive. Let them hear about Jesus and let them desire to be born again and feel super alive in Christ and filled with the Holy Spirit. Father, I am weeping before you because of the meth born destruction that I see in the lives of children all around me. 

Open the eyes, ears, and hearts of your faithful ones to reach out to families and bring the Good News of Jesus into their live. I know the workers are few, but the harvest is bountiful and needs to be brought in. Instill the need for community outreach in the spirit-led, leaders in your worldwide church.

I ask these things through the mighty name of Jesus Christ, who obediently died on a cross to save your children in all generations. 

Amen.   

Balance: "Life is a See-Saw" a Half-Day Women's Conference

Recently, I attended a half-day women's conference. The topic was balance in your family, career, marriage, church, finances, friendships, trust, and faith. The Missouri Baptist Women's Ministry speaker, Valerie Howe, shared a model that she uses to help her stay in balance. I took notes on the information that she shared about her model and am sharing it with you.

1. Be aware of how you feel
2. Accept responsibility for how you feel
3. Allow God into your heart through scripture and prayer
4. Act to keep your heart taken care of.

My personal favorites from the conference are:

• Jesus cared for his heart in solitude and allowed God into his heart through prayer and scripture.  Valerie's model is not new, she pointed out that it is following Jesus' model. 
• "Secrets always manifest."  a Beth Moore bible study quote that applies to accepting responsibility for how you feel. Quit hiding from how you really feel and accept it.  
• "God, will you hone my words?" a Kathy C. Miller quote that Valerie used made an impact on me. I am familiar with honing, or sharpening a blade. However, hone also means to refine, or perfect over time. An "ah ha!" moment happened to me. Normally, I just ask God to keep my mouth shut. Are you with me? Now, I can ask the Lord to refine, or perfect my words. Wow. I am sitting here filled with happiness that the Lord is still teaching me his ways. 
• Repentance is a process.
• Interruptions can be an appointment from the Lord. Jesus was interrupted in his teaching. (Luke 5:17-20)

Conference Scriptures

• Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2 NIV was the conference scripture.
• John 4 NIV - Jesus Talks With a Samaritan Woman  Click Here for the scripture.
• Luke 8:43-48 NIV Jesus heals a woman with a bleeding illness   Click Here for the scripture 
• Luke 5:17-20 NIV  Jesus' teaching is interrupted  Click Here for the scripture

A Fallen Christian Brother

Riding a motorcycle can be a dangerous activity. 
Every rider has lost a brother or sister in an automobile versus motorcycle accident. On a Tuesday afternoon, a couple in our local Christian Motorcyclists Association chapter were in this type of accident. 

A sixteen-year-old driver failed to look twice and pulled out in front of the trike. The husband died at the hospital and his wife was life flighted a hundred miles to a trauma unit. Her multiple broken bones and internal bleeding required life support. The teen driver had minor physical injuries. 

On Sunday afternoon, Bill and I rode to the local funeral home to attend the visitation for the husband. A sad occasion, BUT we all know he is in heaven with Jesus. He loved the Lord. Paying our respects didn't end with the visitation at the funeral home. 

On the following Monday morning, the sound of motorcycle engines could be heard converging on the Mace's grocery store parking lot. As each rider pulled in and shut down their ride, a tight knot of sad riders formed around them to shake hands, or hug each other. 

At 9:00 A.M., kickstand up time, ten bikes pulled out to form a staggered line. We rolled down the highway, headed for the church, to fulfill the family's wish for their veteran dad - honor our fallen brother, their dad,  with a flag line and motorcycle escort.

At the church, Patriot Guard riders handed out American flags for a flag line to honor our fallen Christian brother. Riders continued to arrive in order to escort a fallen rider on his last ride home. 

Six solemn faced, chapter brothers carried the casket to the hearse. 

A half-mile of motorcycles escorted our friend, acquaintance, and brother to the cemetery. At the cemetery, military honors were rendered in the form of another flag line, a three shot rifle salute, and presenting the folded casket flag to a family member.

I hope this short article impresses you to,"Look twice and save a life." 

Stop, Drop and Pray on August 16, 2014

I cannot wait to sit at Jesus' feet tomorrow morning and pray. Snuggle time with the Savior of Us All. I do not know about you, but I need some comforting, healing, and quiet time to pray for this world we live in.

Praying for my persecuted brothers and sisters around the world. Bill and I have been praying daily for the persecuted in Iraq and the persecuters.

So sad to see massive rioting in my home state. Lord please pour your calming and healing presence over Ferguson, MO.

I know, I am starting early, but feel so much upheaval in and around me that I keep reaching out in prayer.

Suggested Prayer Points 

1. Pray for persecuted Christians around the world.
2. Pray for God's people to seek Him by reading the Bible.
3. God's leaders and his people to be strengthened for spiritual battle through the Bible.
4. Pray that Satan is defeated in the lives of all Christians.
5. Pray about anything you feel led to pray about.

Hugs,
SalleeB

#StopDropandPray 

God's Purpose For You - Conclusion

The video links are no longer working. The video playlist has been deleted from YouTube. 

Sallee's Notes

• Beth shares a brief testimony about her childhood abuse.
• Childhood abuse will trip you up.
• How could something like that happen to a child?
• Why does this happen? Why did he let it happen to you? Why?
• Beth believes in the sovereignty of God. As a father who loves me as he looked at what my purpose would be in my own generation.
• We have a purpose in our lives. 
• That is what matters. We have a purpose. 
• She has used what has happened everyday in her ministry to help her relate to people.
• It makes it easier to get down on my knees and serve someone.
• It is hard to come from my background and be full of yourself.
• God has had constant purpose in my life. 
• Listen we just have these few minutes on this planet. 
• It matters to God what our purpose is.
• After reflection, thought, and deliberation the purpose God knew would exceed the pain.
• If the purpose could not exceed the pain the answer is no.
• If it's just pain and no purpose -  that's what we get when we do not cooperate with Him. 
• If you are a child of God and you went through something difficult, God has a purpose for it.
• If you don't cooperate, you will live it out in vain.
• The Enemy thought if for evil. God thought it, deliberated  it, reflected upon it and knew He would use it for good for the saving of lives. 
• I'll take that. 

Luke 22:41-42 (

41 He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will (boule), but yours be done.

• Absolutely nothing is allowed to come to you and into your life through the permissive will of God. That does not have some bearing on God's purpose for you in your own generation

• What purpose is it supposed to serve? 
• We have to let him bring healing into our lives so we can live out his purpose for us. 
• People are hurting out there.
• We have problems too! We gather and pray before a conference.
• People need hope.
• Full throttle effectiveness.
• Every time I get to minister to one of you out of my background I'm serving my purpose.
• I was told early on that I would sink my ministry if I shared my story.
• I was chosen for my generation when these painful things are Praise God coming out of the closet.
• Some of us with a background of shame can stand up and brush our hair out of our eyes and serve our purpose. 

How Long Do You Grieve? Personal Loss and Biblical Grief

Jack Hull  in Jefferson City, MO 2004



My husband, Jack, died in 2005. I still miss him. The grief isn't sharp anymore, but it occasionally surfaces on his birthday, our wedding anniversary, and the anniversary of his death. The first three years were the roughest.

 "Helpful" Advice

Many people offered advice that was not helpful. Some of the "helpful" things other people told me were:

• You need to be strong
• If you grieve for more that a year, you need to seek help
• Crying won't fix anything
• Get on with your life and things will be better
• You need a hobby to focus on
• Your better off without him because he was so sick

Trying to Move On

I just wanted to mourn my loss and be left alone. Emotionally, I fluctuated back and forth between the different stages of grieving. Denial , anger, depression, and acceptance would come and go for the first year. Year Two I stayed in anger, and acceptance, with depression kicking in on anniversaries and holidays. Year two also brought a relapse back into pure grieving because I had been seeing a man that I really liked. However, he broke off the relationship because I was "too prickly". Wow, did that rejection cause a downward spiral. Sharp-edged, painful sorrow returned and it felt like Jack had died yesterday, instead of two years previously. Jack had loved me unconditionally. He loved me in spite of my imperfections. Prickliness hadn't stopped him from seeing the loving, warm, talented woman whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Depression returned. I felt rejected and unlovable.

Grief is...

Grief expert David Kessler at Grief.com says:
"...grief is a process, a journey. It does not end on a certain day or date. It is as individual as each of us. Grief is real because loss is real. Each grief has its own imprint, as distinctive and as unique as the person we lost. The pain of loss is so intense, so heartbreaking, because in loving we deeply connect with another human being, and grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost. Grief is not just a series of events, or stages or time lines. Our Society places enormous pressure on us to get over loss, to get through the grief. But how long do you grieve for a husband of fifty years? A teenager killed in a car accident? A four-year-old child? A year? Five years? Forever? The loss happens in time, in fact in a moment, but its aftermath lasts a lifetime."

 Biblical Grief

Healing is a long process when your heart is broken. In Genesis 37:34-35, Jacob tore his clothes, put on sack cloth, and mourned for many days when he believed his youngest son Joseph was dead. Joseph was his baby and his favorite child. His other children tried to comfort him, but he wouldn't let them. He wanted to be with his dead son, Joseph.  I recognize that feeling.

Strong People Can Cry

Weeping helps release the pressure and emotional tension of grief. Do not let anyone tell you it's wrong to cry when your sad. Tears are a part of grief and sadness. You are still a strong person if you cry. Crying is NOT a sign of weakness.

Take Time to Mourn

 Matthew 5: 4 says "Those who mourn are blessed, for they will be comforted." God will be there to comfort you. Pray this verse to God in prayer.

Father,  I am asking you to comfort me. Your word says that I am blessed because I am mourning the loss of ______________. I am claiming that promise. Comfort me during this loss. In the mighty name of your son Jesus, who is my Lord and Savior I ask this. Amen.

Take time to grieve. In God's world  there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
                                a time to be born and a time to die,
                                a time to plant and a time to uproot,
                                a time to kill and a time to heal,
                                a time to tear down and a time to build,
                                a time to weep and a time to laugh,
                                a time to mourn and a time to dance...
                                Ecclesiastes 3:1-4