Talking Back to God

I was mad at God.
Struggling with my emotions and desires for a fleshly man were wearing me out. Prayer didn't seem to be working. Finally, I became angry and said out loud,

" Why did you make me like this if I'm supposed to abstain from a physical relationship until marriage? Why aren't you helping me with this? I'm angry at you!"

Just saying those words out loud seemed to help relieve the internal pressure I had been feeling.

Quietly I listened for any sign of an answer from God.
Silence...more silence...no answer. Okay, I wasn't going to get an answer. I wrote down the date and my actions in my journal before going to bed. As I stared up at the dark ceiling I thought,
"Living alone, in widowhood, isn't so great at the moment."
Tears welled up in my eyes as I gave in to feeling sorry for myself.

The next morning, I followed my usual routine.
Shower, coffee, pray for guidance, meditate (or listen) for guidance, read the Bible, meditate, eat breakfast, write down any thoughts that occurred during my meditation time in my journal, and finally get dressed for work.

During my meditation time, I listened for any hint of a still, quiet voice, but only heard silence. However, I felt like a new woman. My emotional distress was gone. It didn't occur to me that the absence of my emotional turmoil might be an answer to my outburst to the Father the night before. I didn't see it as answered prayer. Not yet.

About two weeks later 
During my usual morning meditation, I heard a single word whispered by the Holy Spirit into the silence of my mind, "clay."
Silently, I said,"What?"
I heard the whispered word again, "clay."

Now, I am going to tell you that I would not tell myself to read verses about clay in a million years!
Obediently, I opened up the index in the back of my bible and found the listed scriptures for clay. Slowly, I began to find and read each verse listed under the word clay. I read verses in the books of Isaiah, Jeremiah, Leviticus, Daniel, and Romans. Now I'm going to back up a little bit and tell you how I read bible verses.

When I read a verse of scripture, I also read the verses around the scripture.
Reading verses this way helps to ensure I'm understanding each verse in the correct context. Occasionally, I'll read the entire chapter. The Lord knows this about his daughter, Sallee. Anyway, I'll get back to my testimony.

The verses in Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Leviticus had already informed me that God formed me and  made me according to his own purposes.
I had to acknowledge that He is my creator and has a design for me. Romans 9:21 reinforced that information again. I'm stubborn, but the message from the Father was coming through loud and clear!

After reading Romans 9:21, I continued to read verse 22:

        But who are you, oh man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to the one who   formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?"

Those words jumped up off the page and smacked me in the face.
I felt numb; convicted with my own words from two weeks earlier. My Father, God, had just disciplined me with my own words.

Since I had yelled at God out loud, I apologized to God out loud.
"Oh Father, I am so sorry! You have answered my prayer, you have given me ways to serve you, and I have been so blind. Thank-you for taking away the emotional stress and the impulses of my physical body. Thank-you for letting me be your servant.Amen."

I know that this story may not make sense to you.
This testimony is based upon my faith as a spirit-led, victorious follower of Jesus Christ who believes that the Bible is the inspired Word of God. Jesus made a promise to all of his followers in John 14:16-20,

 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.

Sallee Believes

• I believe that God sent his only son, Jesus, to earth from heaven.
• I believe Jesus died on a cross, taking all sin upon himself (including mine), and ascended to heaven so I could have eternal life.
• I believe Jesus ascended to heaven and The Holy Spirit descended from heaven to become a part of the apostles, the disciples, and all who follow Jesus.  
• I believe The Holy Spirit resides in us.
• I believe The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit are one.

This is why I talk with God, the Father. This is why I pray and  listen for guidance.  This is why I know when I am being corrected.

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