Prayer Challenge


I want to ask you to say this prayer out loud, if possible.

“I belong to God. I am a holy vessel because I have the Holy Spirit of the Living God. The Lord of Heaven and earth has said to me; “I declare you holy!”. I commit to start believing what He says. I AM HOLY! Remind me daily, Spirit of the Living God, to treat myself as holy, open my eyes to every scheme of The Enemy to treat me as if I'm not. You, God, are Holy. Your word is the truth. This day Father, I chose to believe you! I ask this in the mighty name of your son Jesus Christ, who died on a cross for me so that I could be a coheir to the kingdom of God. Amen”



Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Widowhood: The Second Time

 
My beloved husband, Bill went home to Jesus on January 14, 2023. 

He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and 12 weeks later, he was gone. It was so FAST! My home church started a 13-week Griefshare program two weeks after Bill was gone. I went and just felt too much pain to even begin to talk about Bill.

 However, I found myself thinking about my first widowhood after my soulmate Jack went home to Jesus after a lifelong battle against inherited emphysema.

 Jack and I knew our time together was limited. 

As his illness progressed, I became his caregiver as well as his wife. We learned to live one day at a time. We learned to live each day like it was our last because it could be. That last summer, I warned my girls that Jack's time with us was short. Neither one wanted to face that. Even though Jack was their stepdad, they loved him with all their heart. Jack succumbed to his illness just two months short of our 12th anniversary. 

After his death, I followed through on my long-term goal of buying another Harley-Davidson motorcycle and resumed riding. I bought a Sportster, acquired a motorcycle endorsement, and took off riding the highways of Missouri, Illinois, and Kentucky. I didn't realize I was running away from home on a Harley until much later. My girls and I had a rocky path ahead of us. I was putting on a brave face for them and my oldest daughter asked me why I wasn't crying. I told her I was, but not when she and her sister were home.  A couple of days later, I did cry when they were home and scared them because I wailed my heart out. Yep, my emotions were swinging like a pendulum and I didn't know if I was going crazy or not. 

.At year two of my widowhood, an acquaintance told me, "It's been two years. Shouldn't you be about over this by now?" I felt like I had been slapped! Sharing my vulnerability had obviously been a mistake. I retreated behind a mental wall and decided to not let anyone see my grief again. AND I didn't reveal my pain again! 

Fast forward to sixteen years later. 

Here I was, sitting in a room of men and women who were each walking through their own grief journeys. I was numb. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Bill was in heaven with my heart and I was a widow a second time. As I listened, I began to realize I'd not completely dealt with my grief after Jack went home to Jesus. At that time, I didn't know anything about grief support, making memory bears out of clothing, or anything like that. I was ignorant about that part of grief.  To deal with my current pain, I had and was burying myself in my relationship with the Lord. That's always a good thing.

GriefShare has been the best thing I ever did for myself.

 One night the video was sharing what to NOT say to someone grieving the loss of a loved one. Guess what? One of the things you shouldn't say is, "Shouldn't you be about over this now?" Oh, man! I could SO identify with that statement! I felt validated. More importantly, I was learning how to walk through my grief in healthy ways. I wasn't locking the grief away and acting as if I was fine.  I was able to open up and talk about my feelings concerning the loss of my first and second beloved husbands, Jack and Bill. Two men who were so different! The one thing they had in common was me. They both loved me and wanted me to be happy.

I am now 22 months out from Bill's Homegoing.

I've been dreading the holidays, but preparing for them at the same time. Last Saturday, I participated in the one-day GriefShare class, How to Survive the Holidays. I attended last year,  however a year of travel on my grief journey has changed my perspective.  Also, this is my first Christmas without my sister Nan. I know that avoiding the holidays is not the answer for me. Facing my pain by being with my family is necessary for me to heal. I've also done a  few things that are helping me to look forward to the holidays.

On Thanksgiving, I am making chocolate chip pecan bars that Bill would have loved! I'm sharing this at the Friendsgiving with my oldest daughter's family and friends. I'm celebrating with other family members by bringing my green bean casserole, rolls, and an apple pie. That's my normal contribution and both of my beloved husbands loved my green bean casserole, rolls, and any pie I made. 

 I couldn't put up my big tree last year, but I also can't give it up. Therefore, I bought 12 motorcycle gnome ornaments that will go with the 6 Harley-Davidson ornaments I bought last year and put away. My tree will be beautiful and different from the way I decorated it with Bill. I'm actually decorating the tree like the garage tree he and I had talked about, but never got around to putting up in the garage. 

Last year and this year, I spent Bill's Christmas present money on two things. First, I donated part to the local motorcycle toy ride we participated in. Secondly, I sponsored a Wreaths Across America wreath in honor of Bill. Everything that I've talked about, I learned in GriefShare. These are simple ways to honor Bill. These two acts have helped me to be just a little bit happier. My heart hurts just a tiny bit less. I know Bill would approve. 

Friday, April 12, 2024

Jesus and Psalm 91

Have you ever been talking to someone and a scripture for them appears in your thoughts?

It happens to me quite a bit. I believe it's because I ask Father God to give me the words I need to say to people. 

A couple days ago, I told someone I felt like the Lord wanted them to read Psalm 91.  Psalm 91 is also one of my go-to verses to read. 

The next morning I received a text from the same person and I reached for my study Bible and opened it to Psalm 91. As I read through the study notes and shared a bit on how this psalm is arranged, it occurred to me I was studying Psalm 91 too! After a moment of laughter at how sneaky Jesus is, I shared that Jesus wanted me to study Psalm 91, too. 

It's been a few days since I last read Psalm 91. 

To amuse myself, I was scrolling through the items on my Temu app. I didn't really need anything, I was just looking at the bargains. A t-shirt appears and I burst into laughter.  Guess what it said? That's right, printed across the chest was PSALM 91!  Above and below the PSALM 91 was verse 2. I did say Jesus was sneaky right? 

Anyway, I grabbed my study Bible and started reading Psalm 91 again. 



 

Monday, April 3, 2023

Bombarded by God's Love

I read this at a recovery meeting last night:

 "The most common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression...If  I am unable to change the present state of affairs, am I willing to take the measures necessary to shape my life to conditions as they are?"

Yep, I have a new normal.

 I am a widow. 

I am willing to shape my life to conditions as they are as I follow God's lead. 

I feel as if I've been spiritually bombarded with God's love for the last 24 hours.

 I've heard and read so many pertinent words that apply to where I am today.

• I am a child of God.

• I am a jewel that God treasures. 

• I can't run out in front of God like a dog on a leash. I need to follow Him in obedience.  

Resources

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Page 52

Malachi 3:17

“They shall be Mine,” says the Lord of hosts, “On the day that I make them My jewels. And I will spare them As a man spares his own son who serves him.” 

Devotional by Rebecka Beene on Facebook

Sunday, October 31, 2021

Struggling to Keep My Mouth in Alignment with my Heart

I'm struggling with issues of the mouth again. My mouth is an issue. When I let my feelings have control of my mouth - the result isn't pretty. The Bible tells me to cease anger and forsake wrath because it only causes harm. Do not fret - it only causes harm. I'm telling you, Jesus has convicted me to love. My heart loves Jesus and I only want to let love flow from my heart and out of my mouth. 

When I lived in the world, I used to walk in ways that don't show love. I was angry and could cuss with the best. That is not the way I live my life anymore. I have to keep in the word to keep these sins out of my heart and mind. Today, I am so thankful for the many blessing in my life. My heart belongs to Jesus. I have to stay in the word to keep my tongue in alignment with my heart. 

neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.    Ephesians 5:4

When you lived among them, you also used to walk in these ways. But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.    Colossians 3:7-8

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—it only causes harm.     Psalm 27:8

Sunday, October 24, 2021

Keeping in Alignment with God's Plan

 

Sunrise. The start of a new day. A day full of plans. In the mornings, I am prone to jumping out of bed, rushing around getting ready, and going off to work. Did I wake and pray? No, I did not. I'm rushing off into a new day without acknowledging God. This is where the temptation to fall into my own plans and stray out of God's plan happens. 

Luckily, I know that I can start my day over at anytime. All I have to do is stop and pray, have a little talk with my heavenly Father about my attitude and actions. God wants the best for me. I just have to remember to have some quiet time with him, be still, and listen for some guidance from the Holy Spirit. This is how I stay in God's plan. Prayer time keeps me in spiritual alignment with God's plan for my day. Don't skip that quiet moment of morning prayer with God. Skipping prayer time is the start of a slide into your plans and out of God's plan. 

There are many plans in a man's heart, Nevertheless the Lord's counsel-that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 NKJV