To Retire or Not to Retire

I wrestled with the decision to retire for weeks. I looked at data and made calculations until I had a headache. I am NOT a math person. My sweetheart was supportive and encouraged me. He prayed with me and for me. Still I wrestled with the decision. 

Calmness would be mine for about 24 hours before I  started feeling doubt and indecisiveness again.

Do you remember Dr. Doolittle's pushmi pullu? It was a "gazelle/unicorn cross" with a head at opposite ends of its body. That's what I felt like. One head would be thinking about retirement while the other was dealing with today and I  wasnt getting anywhere with my decision.

Finally on my way to work, I had a one sided conversation with Jesus; he listened and I talked.
"Lord Jesus I am surrendering this decision to you. I've wrestled with it enough. It's up to you. I know that financially I can retire. If I'm supposed to retire, I  know you will let me feel the peace that only comes from you when I  think about it. Thank you for the sacrifice that you made so that I might be saved and become a coheir in the kingdom of God. Amen"

And I didn't think about retirement all day. That evening the retirement decision tried to creep back into my thoughts. Immediately I told myself that I'd given my retirement decision to Jesus and it was his choice. And I didn't think about retirement all evening or at bedtime.

24 hours after I  surrendered my retirement decision to Jesus, I woke up filled with a deep and unshakable calm. The doubt and indecisiveness were GONE! I knew in my head and my heart that retirement was the next step on my journey with Jesus.

Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6 NKJV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.